


Sleep Anxiety

by a_mind_at_work



Series: Anxiety Laf [5]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Gen, M/M, Sleep anxiety, idk if it has a real name but that's what I call it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 21:21:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8862556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_mind_at_work/pseuds/a_mind_at_work
Summary: I'm always on Tumblr, writing more fanfics for your founding fathers fix! ;) @undiscoveredstory





	

It kept happening. Every time he got close to sleep, his breath would hitch and he’d be jolted awake. His heart would be beating faster than ever, his breaths would come in short bursts.

_If you fall asleep, you die._

He knew it was illogical. How many nights had he fallen asleep and woken up just fine the next morning? He was sixteen. He knew shouldn’t be having these thoughts.

_If you’re asleep, how can you be sure you’re breathing? How can you really know that you’re falling asleep and not dying?_

Yet there he was, lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, eyes wide, breath fast. His head started to ache, and he logically knew it was from the tension, from stressing, from lack of sleep, but _oh my god, I’m dying. I’m dying and I’m all alone in my room and this is it. I’m dying from stress or lack of sleep or some unknown illness._

He quickly sat up, panting. He needed to move. He needed to prove to himself that he was fine, and then he could get some sleep.

He got out of bed and shakily made his way downstairs to get a glass of water. When he tried to grab a glass from the cupboard, he accidentally knocked one down onto the counter with his shaking hands.

“Merde,” he cursed under his breath, relieved to find the glass hadn’t cracked or chipped. He stood still for a moment, listening for any sign of movement in the house. Silence. He was breathing a sigh of relief when Alexander stumbled into the kitchen from the living room.

“What happened?” he asked, rubbing at his eyes. If he’d been in a better mood, Laf would have laughed at Alex’s appearance. The smaller boy had clearly fallen asleep in his clothes, most likely on a textbook from the way one side of his face was flat. His hair, which had been in a bun originally, was sticking out at various angles. But, in Alexander-fashion, he had no sense of his appearance. He never did, really.

“I, um, how you say, dropped, this, uh,” he held up the glass in lieu of the word. English always escaped him when he was anxious.

Alexander narrowed his eyes at Laf. “Laf, what’s going on?”

“Thirsty,” Laf said. He picked up the glass and went to the sink, hoping he wasn’t visibly trembling.

“It’s two in the morning.” Alex sounded much more alert.

This isn’t good, Laf thought. “I can be thirsty at two in the morning, Alexander,” he grumbled.

“You’re shaking.” Alex was right behind him now. Laf could feel his breath on his neck. He shivered.

“Cold,” he whispered.

“But it’s not,” Alex rebutted. “Laf, what’s really going on?” Alex gently laid a hand on Laf’s forearm and turned him around.

Laf sighed, all of the fight leaving him. He was too tired to fight his anxiety and Alexander.

“I cannot sleep,” Lad admitted.

“Would it help if I slept over?” Alex asked.

Laf looked down and nodded ever so slightly.

Alex’s hand was on his forearm again. “Laf, I don’t know why you seem ashamed. How many times have you had to sleep in my room because I was having nightmares? How many times have Martha and George done the same?”

Laf wanted to scream _but that’s because your problems are legitimate! You have nightmares because you’ve been through so much! Me? What have I been through? Why am I feeling this?_

But he kept silent. He knew Alex would tell him his own problems were legitimate, too. That events weren’t the only cause of anxiety. He didn’t feel like getting into it.

Thankfully, he didn’t have to. Alex simply took him by the hand and led him up the stairs. Once they were in Laf’s room, the door shut, he wordlessly climbed into Laf’s bed and snuggled under the covers. Laf was still standing by the doorway, looking at Alexander.

“You coming?” Alex asked with a yawn.

“Oui,” Laf said weakly. He joined Alexander, but he didn’t lay down. He sat, legs under the covers, staring intently at the quilt, but not really seeing it. No, instead, he was lost in his thoughts.

“Laf,” Alex said, his hand coming to rest on Laf’s back. “What’s going on?”

Laf just shook his head in response.

“Anxiety?” Alex asked.

Laf hated it. Hated that he was weak and that Alexander knew about it, that he was witnessing it. He hated burdening Alex with his problems. He knew nothing would happen to him. He knew he was fine. He knew, he knew, he knew, but still––

 _It_ could _happen…_

Thinking about it was not helping.

“Not now, mon ami, please. In the morning.” Laf knew he wouldn’t want to talk about it then, either, but anything to get out of talking about it now. Anything.

“Okay,” Alex agreed. “On one condition.”

Laf sighed. He should’ve known there’d be a condition. It was Alex, after all. “Tell me how to help?”

Oh. “Stay awake a bit?” the words left Laf’s mouth with little forethought, and he regretted them right away.

But Alex’s face lit up. “Easy! I already got like two and a half hours of sleep. Let me grab my book from downstairs and I’ll be up long after you’re out like a light,” Alex said with a wink.

With that, the smaller boy bounded down the stairs to get his book. Laf couldn’t help but smile just a bit, so relieved he wouldn’t have to face the night alone, so happy to have a brother like Alexander.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm always on Tumblr, writing more fanfics for your founding fathers fix! ;) @undiscoveredstory


End file.
